Have you been in a place where you are saying to yourself “I’ll be happy when that happens”? I just realized that the journey I’ve been on is my path. I keep telling myself that I want to do something, but that elusive something has not shown up now for about 10 years. You see, 10 years ago my boyfriend of 10+ years decided that he no longer wanted to be in a relationship with me. Wow! That was a devastating blow to my world. I built my life around him and his world.
Since I left in 2010, I’ve been seeking my world. Who am I? What is my purpose?
The one thing I discovered is that my wandering over the past 10 years was my purpose. I’ve lived with several different people in different parts of the country. As people show up in my life and a connection is created, I spent time with them and shared what I have learned in life. I’ve been so blessed to meet people who are generous and kind and open up their home to me. While with them I shared my knowledge of natural remedies and it seems that I showed up at just the right time to help them with a healing crisis.
So then, the question is: What is life all about? Is it about working a job/career for your entire life, retire, and sit and enjoy all the material possessions acquired along the way? Or is it more about connecting with people and being of service to them where they are and sharing what I’ve learned along the way and they sharing what they have learned? Or is it a balance between both?
The only things I own are my 30’ sailboat, which I live on, and my 2005 Ford Escape SUV. In the minimalist world, I probably have more than I actually need. But this lifestyle suits me. I work just enough to cover expenses plus some extra money for savings. I am living in abundance.
But there is this uneasiness In the core of myself about this lifestyle that I can’t seem to put my finger on. My childhood training keeps telling me that I should be owning my own home, working full time, making more money, I’m lazy, and that why would I live on such a small boat that holds only the necessities of life? Don’t I want to have MORE? So how do I stop that voice and accept the life I’ve chosen as good life when so much of the world is about getting and having more.
One thing that I do know is that I am a spiritual being having a human experience. What is that, you say? We are spiritual light beings who have the potential to heal ourselves, spread our light into the world wherever we go, like being a candle entering a dark room. The room is not dark anymore, once light enters it. I feel that my purpose is to be me, to be that candle and be available to do whatever I am called upon to do this moment. This moment is all we have. The past is gone, the future never comes. So in this moment I’m writing to you, dear reader, and sharing some insight with you about my journey.
I feel that most people are unhappy because they have bought into the paradigm of working, making money, buying stuff and massive amounts of time in entertainment of some sort. I find most entertainment to be empty blocks of time and most conversations devoid of substance. Maybe I spend too much time in my head or too much time meditating.
So today, I give myself permission to be me, to do what I feel my God/intuition/higher self is telling me what to do, do it with Love and the expectation that as I give Love, Love returns to me a thousand fold.
This is my purpose.
Thanks for listening,